Hello. My name is Satan. I go by Beelzebub, Lucifer, or The Devil. Im actually a pretty nice guy. The last time i sent someone into the depths of hell, was for a pretty big sin: stealing a stapler. Thats really bad. So he went to hell. Yesterday I went to earth and bargained with several stupid humans. I stole their souls and all they wanted really stupid stuff, like the death of some human or attraction of some female. They are all going to hell of course. Now this is my schedule:

7:00 am wake up

7:30 am go to hell 

8:00 am punish people, i use a genuine rats tail

9:00 am turn the fires up 5 degrees

9:15 am plan to overthrow the angels

10:00 am put the plan in effect

11:00 am go back to hell and drink booze over my loss

11:30 am exact my wrath on the citizens of hell

12:00 pm eat lunch, mainly consists of human bones

1:00 pm crash on the couch and watch ghostrider and hell on wheels

1:30 pm go back to torturing humans

2:00 pm have some citizens of earth make deals with me and i buy their souls

5:00 pm send death to kill humans

6:00 pm punish more people

10:00 pm go to sleep 

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